Thursday, October 16, 2014

Event horizon

Rehearsal BBQ  11.1.13
While I was driving through the dark this morning to spend the day with my grandson a very fine piece of music came on the radio and ahead, the horizon started showing signs of blue as I drove into the sunrise, still an hour away. Everyone else was heading in the other direction, headlights blazing. I was grateful for my life on a handful of levels all at once
I had a birthday the other day. It's the last of the special days, the holidays to pass since we lost Jimmy. A day does not go by that I don't miss him and cry, but then I stop myself and remember how, whenever I thanked him for something – and the opportunities to do so were endless – he would say “My pleasure” and I got to thinking how he honestly took great pleasure in making me happy; doing little things for me, bringing me unexpected treats, little, simple and inexpensive but so full of thought and consideration.
No matter what you believe, or not, about an afterlife, I know that our lost loved ones live on in our hearts and we owe it to their lasting, loving memories to take pleasure in the smallest things that we can still experience. To love life.

As I appreciate that coming dawn, smell the fresh morning air, and hold Charlie cuddled close I know that everything and every moment that I cherish, is a result of the life and love that I spent with Jimmy. A long time ago I wrote that “...after all, his heartbeat is mine too.” My pleasure is still his.

So, those of you who might find yourself alone and in despair, find small ways to be good to yourself and take pleasure in life. Your darlings would have it no other way.

1 comment:

Terry said...

Very beautiful and heartfelt sentiments. Deb, you're doing everything right. Remembering and cherishing your memories of Jim and still going forward. Your kids and Charlie and all of us are lucky to have you. Very happy belated birthday. I'll make it up to you next time you're in NY.