I wrote this post back in the spring..somehow it never got posted. Nothing has changed.
They say that in time, in time the hollow space will become smaller.
Yesterday I went out to do a few errands; stuff that could have waited, but I needed to drive with the windows down. There is a convertible in my future, no doubt a used POS but still, a rag top.
I was out for a while, stopped here, there, missed an exit and wandered around for a while, as always, but after a few hours I began to feel like I had forgotten something, that something was missing.
Then I realized that it was the phone call. No call from Jimmy checking up on me, making sure that I was OK, asking me to pick something up - really it was just an excuse to hear each others voices, these phone calls.
My friends made fun of me sometimes, but the best friends just accepted that no matter where I went or what I was doing, Jimmy would be along for the ride. I missed him awful yesterday and had to sit a while and cry and remind and convince myself that he was with me heart and soul. I am beginning to fully accept crazy as a valid state of mind.